| May. 19th, 2005 @ 12:30 pm so soon? |
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So soon after Amy closed the door on our open ended relationship [one in which we hardly spoke or even met eyes] another woman enters my life.
For a rundown I will match the two:
1[2]
hates my arrogance [loves it]
hates the music i love [loves when i sing it]
hates trends [follows few]
hates me wearing sweatpants [doesn't care]
hates herself/doesn't think she is good enough [possibly not good enough in her mind]
pessimistic [optomistic]
wild, loud, elitist [quiet, mild, open to all]
short 2 tone hair [long brown hair]
blue eyes [purple, green, gold eyes]
hates my ideals [loves them]
never wants children [dunno yet]
monogomist [polygamist]
no dramatic kid games [she definitly thinks its cute...]
- in polarity, this woman meets alot of conditions of a bland boring non-active person. Fine, so do I. What I have learned is my touch sets her on fire. She loves to listen to me talk, she wants to do all those sexual things she's never had major chances to do. She hasn't drank much, doesn't care about doing much [doesn't get bored or need entertained] and loves having her hair stroked. I on the other hand love to touch her, we spend alot of time just looking into eachothers eyes and laughing. I think we will probably spend her remeaining time here together watching people move about and be busy while we wait for the right time to watch the sun set.
As usual this woman feels so perfect. She is like a moldable block of clay. She is beautiful and has only been touched in small akward ways by inexperienced youth. I have alot of work ahead of me, I doubt she does any of these 'advanced' loving acts well at all, many she probably hasn't even experienced!
We had our first kiss today, tho rushed and fleeting and under her terms. This must be explained: Last night we were sitting outside after the sun had already stopped turning the clouds all the beautiful colors of the evening set. We had a moment of silence and she asked me what I thought. I told her, "I keep thinking about how hard it is not to kiss you, because once we begin I wont want to stop doing it, we will crave it ever more constantly... and this really isn't the place for it." She replied she was thinking the same thing, tho i guess she was only thinking about how she wanted to kiss, and probably about little else.
So this morning I awake needing to fix the horrible regret i fell asleep with. I met her at breakfast and asked her to help me find something i had forgotten to give her, some gift that must have fallen out of my pocket. She was suspicious, and finally after pretending to search for a moment I gave in and fessed up, as I neared to kiss her for the first time.
SHE WALKED AWAY
oooh I was bummed, i was pretty embarassed even, it made the regret from the night before that much more pronounced as i walked alone back to my seat in the lunchroom.... She pulled me away after some talk in the smoking area, literally pulled me into a little sideroom. The kiss was a new thing for me, because everyone kisses different. Oh how I must coach this one from this simple point on. I must teach her to dance her toungue with mine so that they can actively slide back and forth over and under eachother. She didn't do this, her mouth was open, but maybe... shit maybe I simply skipped the open mouthed kissing part? hahaha, im in such a hurry! An almost untouched brown haired girl with triple colored eyes and a quiet glint of hidden fire in her eyes!
I doubt we will ever hold hands or make official proclaiments of 'boyfriend/girlfriend' type middleschool stuff, but progressively I notice all the people who adore us give us sudden space when we come together, anyone following me wanders away, anyone near her generally moves on after some akward silence.
I bet alot of the bigger ones miss the days where you growled at eachother till someone backed down :) |
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variable_angles's journal
brainstorm.
well...
ah apathy